Day One

Well, I have officially started my treatment! One round of DHE is done and over with, and bearable as well. So far, not too much nausea, nothing I can't handle ;). The PICC line was seamlessly inserted by the same doctor who gave me my picc line last time! (we'll call her Dr. Picc) She remembered me, which I find amazing. Each of her work days is full of many different children, yet she still remembered me, from 6 months ago. She was my first glimpse of God in this hospital. It only took about 15 minutes to get my room assignment and go up to my floor on the elevator, and the first face I see in the halls is Dr. Picc. She saw me and stopped me to say oh hi! I remember you! I put your picc in in January. I'll see you soon!
As I have said in the past, I find the PICC line fascinating. The very first step is cleaning my whole upper left arm with antibacterial fluids and a sterile sponge and putting numbing cream on a small area of my arm. After about half an hour, Dr. Picc came back in to finish the process. The long process was started with her measuring the length from the crook of my elbow to the tip of my shoulder, then from the tip of my shoulder down to just above my sternum on the left side. This length is the length she cut the tube (that goes inside my vein) to be. Then, she looked at the vein with an ultrasound machine to make sure my vein didn't have any problems. I got to see my vein on the ultrasound machine!! It was so cool! Then comes a lot more sterilizing my arm, including using sterile gloves, gowns, towels, coverings, masks, hair nets... Throughout the rest of the process, half of my body was covered in blue sterile cloths, and every single object she used, down to the needle caps, was sterile. There was a hole just big enough to see my arm on the place the picc was going to be inserted. While looking at my vein on the ultrasound, Dr. Picc gave me a shot of lidocaine, all around the vein in my left upper arm. The lidocaine hurt... but not a lot and not for very long. After numbing the area, she poked my arm with a needle, still looking at my vein on the ultrasound. I watched the screen of the ultrasound, and watched as well as felt her poke into my vein with the needle. That also hurt, but just like a small pinch inside my arm. Then, a very thin wire was put into my vein through the needle. The wire is used to guide the tube into my vein, then once the tube is placed correctly, the wire is removed. In order to fit the tube into my arm, she needed to cut my skin a little bit. Before she made the small cut, she put a little more lidocaine in my arm. I honestly did not feel her cut my skin, which means the lidocaine did its job well. After the cut, the tube fit into my arm. Dr. Picc asked me to turn my head to the left and look down. I did this to help her guide the tube down the right pathway of veins. The proper placing of the tube is up through my shoulder then down near my heart. Sometimes, the tube takes a wrong turn and goes up into the neck. This is not a problem until fluids and medicines are introduced, so after the tube was all the way in my arm, Dr. Picc used the ultrasound again to look at the vein in my neck and make sure the tube wasn't up there. Mine wasn't, so she finished the process by putting the IV connections in place and taping everything in place. Just to make sure the tube was in the right spot in my chest, I got a chest X-Ray. Everything was set up and ready, IV fluids included, by 1:00.
Considering we woke up at 5:15 this morning, rode in the car for almost 3 hours, and have been busy in the hospital all day, my mom and I are exhausted. We continue seeing God in people, places, and even the technology that we have come in contact with. So far, my mom and I have met two tech guys, one of whom was from Ireland and the other had a similar accent, that we chatted with. Both of my nurses are smiley, chatty, and very kind. I have seen a few doctors who came around to introduce themselves and ask if I needed anything. I also had my first doctors rounds today. Every day around the same time, this week 3:00 PM, my neurologist enters my room with a trail of ducklings watching her every move. I am at a UC hospital, which means it is a teaching hospital, so there are lots of residents along with the doctors throughout the hospital. A team of about seven people will come by my room every day to see how I am doing. Today was more of a "hello" than anything, since I had only just started DHE when they came. Tomorrow, they will ask me questions about how my nausea, headache, leg cramps, etc. have been doing and what medicines I take to manage them. My neurologist mentioned to the group that I am going to UC Davis and when I told them I am majoring in Human Development, their faces all lit up with excitement for me. That is a very reassuring sign. My neurologist even commented that she hopes someday I will be back in this hospital working with her in Pediatrics.. another moment of God.
Now, I am going to relax, watch Supernatural, and drink my vanilla malt. I will get one more dosage of DHE tonight, at 10:30, then I am planning on going to bed. I really appreciate all of your prayers, support, and love.
“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,  I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’  And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” Matthew 25:35-40
Love always,
Sierra

Hoping for a Fresh Start

Coming out of junior year, I was planning on being headache free for senior year. My school had changed the possible English classes for seniors, and combined with that situation and my wishes to do AP biology and AP calculus, I ended up signing up for three AP classes senior year. I needed to be headache free to succeed in all my classes, especially the ones (like History and AP English) that I don't enjoy learning about. The medicine (that made me lose weight) took two months to come off of, so I wasn't off of that medicine until July. With school starting in early August, I had about a month to regroup for senior year. I still expected a carefree senior year, despite the evidence leaning towards a stressful one. 

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this yet, but I was a part of the marching band all four years of high school. The marching season happens from late July to mid November, with practices at least two to three times a week. To those of you thinking that a marching band practice consists of playing music and marching in a straight line for like two hours, you  have clearly never experienced marching band. I am not condemning you for not knowing the truth, but from now on, you will consider marching band a sport. The season starts off with not mandatory practices for three hours every Tuesday during the summer. Two weeks before school starts, band camp begins. Band camp. Notorious for hot days and crazy stories I cannot share because "what happens at band camp stays at band camp." What I can share is how crazy band camp is. From Monday through Saturday, we had daily practices from 9 AM to 9 PM (lunch breaks for an hour, dinner for one and a half). Saturday ends with a performance for friends and family, by which point the band has memorized the music and marching movements (drill) to about two minutes of our fall show. Not to brag, but I did all this with a headache every day. Needless to say, the next week I was completely exhausted. 

From August to November, we had practice on Tuesdays from 5pm-9pm, Thursdays from 2:30-4:30, Fridays from 3-9, and October-November, we also had a competition every Saturday. This alone would be a lot. Add on three AP classes, church activities, family, and friends, and you get one busy life. I would have been exhausted even without the headaches. On a normal day, having a bad headache is energy draining. By the end of the marching season, I was behind in almost every single one of my classes. I am not sharing this part to say "hey look how awesome I am for doing all this!" I am sharing to say that I failed but succeeded. And giving up because you fail will get you nowhere in life. I failed many times. I missed many practices and school days, didn't practice enough, dropped out of AP biology, and had no social life. I also succeeded many times. I survived the band season as the band council president, eventually caught up in my classes, pushed myself to and beyond my limits, and in the end, it all worked out. 

Some people see high school as the best years of their lives. I expected to be one of these people. Now looking back, I hope these past years will be the worst of my life, not the best. For those of you still in high school and struggling in one way or another, don't give up. At the time, high school is everything. But high school is just a fraction of your life. The most important thing about high school is the growth in character each person goes through. Some people grow to become their best self, others become their worst. Either way, you have the rest of your life to screw up or turn your life around and succeed. Choose to become a person you can be proud of, and you will never regret it, no matter the circumstances that come your way. Always keep in mind that God loves you *in Bruno Mars's voice* "just the way you are."

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9

Love always,

Sierra

Trying To Fix It

After the whole ordeal with the lumbar puncture, we found that the pressure of the fluid in my spinal column was slightly higher than average. The next step was then to treat me with medicines that lower the pressure. We didn't realize until months later that my headaches weren't because of the pressure in my spine. After 4 months of no improvement, I started to feel hopeless. My doctor could tell that I was straining to keep going through the pain every day, so she suggested that I see not only a counselor, but also a psychiatrist. I have tried many counselors since then, and I have finally found the perfect one. The psychiatrist is also wonderful. I thought that the first time I saw her she would just say oh you're depressed let's give you some medicine for it. But she didn't. She listened to my history and got a feel for who I am, and when I was finished, she understood me. I have had moments where I've been depressed, but then again who doesn't?! It's a natural thing. But I am not nor have ever been depressed. Which I am very thankful for. Depression ruins people... I've seen it happen to family and friends. While I am not depressed, I do have anxiety fairly often. Which I think is totally understandable for the situation I'm in. Anxiety can occur in anybody for any reason, and for some it's worse than others. I am glad we caught my anxiety early so I am now taking medicine that stabilizes my mood. I've noticed from school and other stressful activities that when my mood fluctuates, my pain fluctuates with it. It takes time to learn and understand how your body reacts to anything life throws at you. But again, just try to be patient. It will get better, it just might take 2 years or even longer. Something good will come from your suffering, even if you don't see how yet. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4 NIV)

Love always,

Sierra