So Now What?

Sorry for the long time between my last somewhat disturbing post and this one, but I needed some time to process the results of the doctor appointment. To make a long story short, it has been confirmed that the six day hospital treatment did not work this time. I say this time because seven months ago, it did work, and my doctor said that there's a possibility that if I tried it again sometime in the future, it would work. I am definitely not planning on getting the treatment anytime soon, so that left me wondering what comes next. When I asked my doctor this, I expected another drastic treatment to become part of the discussion, but instead, she prescribed me a new daily medicine. I have tried lots of different kinds of daily medicines, and so far none of them has made a significant difference in my daily pain level. So, when this was the only suggestion, I was and still am a little disappointed. Even though realistically, I know that there is no "cure-all" treatment or medicine, but a small part of me was still hoping for one on the eve of the appointment. Since this disappointment was the only feeling I felt immediately after the appointment, I cried for a good part of the drive home. Remember how I was talking about stages of grief? Well, I felt grief after the appointment, and I have been dealing with it in some mini-stages of my own. The first one, the feeling of intense disappointment, anger, and helplessness, lasted for about two days after the appointment. The first stage of my grief was gone when I woke up on Sunday morning. I woke raring to go, determined to have a good day: I made breakfast with my mom, cleaned my room, went out to lunch with a good friend, and spent some quality time with my family. This burned me out, so I spent the rest of the day relaxing. On Monday, yesterday, I woke lethargic and sore, with not a lot of emotional energy. My "migraine-brain" immediately expected to feel this way for a couple days, and on I went to the next stage of my grieving: the pain of the loss of the future I expected. Luckily, this only lasted for a day. I don't know how or why it only lasted a day, but I am grateful, because the only feeling I had during the next stage was depression. I won't go into the details, and it wasn't extreme depression like you should be concerned for my well-being, but the temporary depression that everybody feels when grieving the loss of something or someone important. So that brings us to today, Tuesday. I had a counseling appointment today, and God prepared me for it. This morning I woke up refreshed. I did not wake up with less pain than yesterday, but with a different mindset. Instead of seeing the future I lost, I saw the reality. I am going to be stuck with this migraine that I have right now for the near to possibly distant future. I woke up ready to strategize, plan out a realistic future for my college time. I am planning on meeting with the student disabilities center and the Dean's Office at UC Davis next week to discuss the details about my accommodations, considering changing my schedule, and actively thinking about other ways to make me successful at Davis. By "successful," I don't necessarily mean "get straight A's," but I want to have the ability to do the best that I can and prevent any hindrances that could possibly stop me from being successful. (If I do get straight A's, that would be awesome though.) Right now, I am in a stage of acceptance and transformation. I am accepting the fact that my pain level might not get better for college. I am changing the mindset I had for college and everything that goes with it. I am communicating as best as I can with my family, friends, and health advisors. I am working to build a good future for myself. However, I am not doing any of this alone. God is with me. God is on my side. God is holding me up. God is guiding me. God loves me.
I mentioned in my last post that I did not feel God with me, and I am ecstatic to say that that feeling did not last. The first time I felt God again was with my friend on Sunday. Since I am not a normal teenager, I cannot be a normal friend to all the friends who are great friends to me, and I often feel guilty about that. I also feel left out when I can't go to a hang out, whether I'm invited or not or a trip to the beach versus to the ice cream shop. My friend Shannon and I had planned to hang out earlier last week, and twice we had to reschedule, ending up having lunch on Sunday together. I felt guilty about rescheduling and not being a good friend, but being with Shannon, that guilt fell away. Shannon has this innate ability to light up my perspective just in a two hour lunch "date." I have been friends with her for practically my whole life, and she and I are very alike. We go to the same church, have similar family situations, and have similar views and beliefs about school, relationships, faith, and life in general. My point about all of this is that God shined His light through Shannon on Sunday. He was able to speak to me through her in a time when I did not even expect it. Now, looking back, I can see that God was pushing me towards spending time with Shannon, and outside forces were resisting. Not only was I reminded in the moment with Shannon that God loves me, but I was reminded that even though I could not feel Him before, He really was with me. I strayed away from his path, but I could never stray away from his presence. I encourage you to try to stop and look at your life and look for moments and situations like mine. Moments when it would be easier to stay in your safe bubble, but you have the opportunity to change it. Don't choose the easy path. Even if you can only try, just try. Make the effort when I didn't. I could have saved myself days of emotional pain had I spent some of my time and energy with Shannon sooner.
Now, I have a message for you all. It took me a while to listen to it, and I probably will have to hear it again, but here is a reminder for you. God is with you. God is on your side. God is holding you up. God is guiding you. God loves you. GOD LOVES US. I could write that 1,000,000,000,000,000 times and still not accurately express just how much God loves us all. I'm going to do my best not to ever forget that, and I hope you can too.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, nor things present nor the future, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:37-39

Love always,
Sierra

My Trial of Honesty

So tomorrow I'm going to see my headache specialist. I don't know if I want to go or not, because I don't know what she is going to say. What I have to say is that so far, the treatment isn't working. It seems to me that I spent six days in the hospital and a month recovering from that for nothing. I had a plan. I actually had lots of plans that I never finished because of these stupid headaches. This summer, I was going to sacrifice going to Disneyland with two of my best friends for six days in the hospital to be able to go to college as a normal person. I was going to have a sucky month of summer but then get better and be able to spend time with the people I care about and probably won't see for a very long time. I was going to actually have fun on a regular basis instead of being miserable, having fun, then being more miserable after having fun, then going back to normal miserable. Instead of all that wonderfulness, I have been stuck at home for most of the summer, watching movies and shows to keep myself distracted from the pain. Instead, I don't remember the last time I had fun without having to hold back because of pain. Instead, I have a short temper, a low level of energy, and disappointment. Usually I post about the sucky stuff that I go through and then put a positive spin on it, but I'm having a hard time making it positive right now. I can't feel God and I can't hear him because of the pain, and I don't even have the energy to try to find Him. I don't usually like showing or telling anybody just how horrible I feel, because I like putting up a brave face, a happy face, like my life is perfect. I don't really know why I do this, but I know that it hasn't helped so far. So, I'm going to try being honest, in the best way I can think of, by sharing with you guys. I would really appreciate your prayers that when I see my doctor tomorrow, she will have a reasonable explanation for all of this crap. I just really need some relief, in any way possible.
I don't have a quote or a verse today, but still sending you love always,
Sierra

Complications

So the summer between my junior and senior year was... Well, an interesting one. I got to do a lot of fun things, but I was also stuck doing nothing some days because of the pain. I half expected my headaches to get better when school got out, and they did get better, just not nearly enough. Around September/October time, our neurologist, Dr. C, referred me to the UCSF headache clinic. The first appointment took over two hours because I had to share my whole medical history with her. After listening, she, Dr. G, said right out that I have migraines. Even though migraines are not fun and last your whole life, I was still happy to have an official diagnosis. 

Just like Dr. C, Dr. G had a detailed plan of action. We started off with some new medicines and after the appropriate waiting time for the meds to work, and I was not better, we moved on to the next phase. This one includes more needles, so fair warning to those of you who don't like needles. The next phase was a shot. I'll admit that usually needles don't bother me. When I get my blood drawn, it barely hurts and I always watch. But this shot was a completely different experience. This time I got a shot in the back of my head. Where the right side of the back of my head meets my neck is where I got the shot. I did not get a numbing agent first, just the shot. Dr. G told me it would only take 10 seconds, which I figured would be okay. So I sat down in a chair facing my parents, holding their hands, and braced myself, thinking "it's only 10 seconds, you got this." That was the longest 10 seconds of my life. I remember that earlier I said the headache from the lumbar puncture was the worst pain I have ever experienced, but I take it back. This shot was much, much worse. I squeezed my parents' hands as hard as I could. Apparently, my eyelids started fluttering towards the end, and I almost passed out. I didn't cry though! Not til after at least... 

It's crazy how much 10 seconds of your life can affect you. This shot didn't help my pain, but it did show me just how strong I am. But the thing is, you never know how strong you really are until you have to prove it. Being strong really really sucks. I will never forget the things I experienced in those 10 seconds. We Bought a Zoo has a wonderful quote about being strong, "all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come of it." Now this is not a universal thing, as Gus from Psych (the TV show) learned. Gus had a crush on this girl at work, and he said ok all I need is 20 seconds of courage. He walked up to her, said really sweet things for 20 seconds, and she pepper sprayed him... Well I guess what he said was kinda creepy but that's not the point. 20 seconds of courage will not fix things immediately. Something great WILL come of it, but you're going to need more courage and even more perseverance. But the more often you practice those traits, the stronger you will become, and God will be by your side every step of the way. 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." 

Joshua 1:9

Hoping for a Fresh Start

Coming out of junior year, I was planning on being headache free for senior year. My school had changed the possible English classes for seniors, and combined with that situation and my wishes to do AP biology and AP calculus, I ended up signing up for three AP classes senior year. I needed to be headache free to succeed in all my classes, especially the ones (like History and AP English) that I don't enjoy learning about. The medicine (that made me lose weight) took two months to come off of, so I wasn't off of that medicine until July. With school starting in early August, I had about a month to regroup for senior year. I still expected a carefree senior year, despite the evidence leaning towards a stressful one. 

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this yet, but I was a part of the marching band all four years of high school. The marching season happens from late July to mid November, with practices at least two to three times a week. To those of you thinking that a marching band practice consists of playing music and marching in a straight line for like two hours, you  have clearly never experienced marching band. I am not condemning you for not knowing the truth, but from now on, you will consider marching band a sport. The season starts off with not mandatory practices for three hours every Tuesday during the summer. Two weeks before school starts, band camp begins. Band camp. Notorious for hot days and crazy stories I cannot share because "what happens at band camp stays at band camp." What I can share is how crazy band camp is. From Monday through Saturday, we had daily practices from 9 AM to 9 PM (lunch breaks for an hour, dinner for one and a half). Saturday ends with a performance for friends and family, by which point the band has memorized the music and marching movements (drill) to about two minutes of our fall show. Not to brag, but I did all this with a headache every day. Needless to say, the next week I was completely exhausted. 

From August to November, we had practice on Tuesdays from 5pm-9pm, Thursdays from 2:30-4:30, Fridays from 3-9, and October-November, we also had a competition every Saturday. This alone would be a lot. Add on three AP classes, church activities, family, and friends, and you get one busy life. I would have been exhausted even without the headaches. On a normal day, having a bad headache is energy draining. By the end of the marching season, I was behind in almost every single one of my classes. I am not sharing this part to say "hey look how awesome I am for doing all this!" I am sharing to say that I failed but succeeded. And giving up because you fail will get you nowhere in life. I failed many times. I missed many practices and school days, didn't practice enough, dropped out of AP biology, and had no social life. I also succeeded many times. I survived the band season as the band council president, eventually caught up in my classes, pushed myself to and beyond my limits, and in the end, it all worked out. 

Some people see high school as the best years of their lives. I expected to be one of these people. Now looking back, I hope these past years will be the worst of my life, not the best. For those of you still in high school and struggling in one way or another, don't give up. At the time, high school is everything. But high school is just a fraction of your life. The most important thing about high school is the growth in character each person goes through. Some people grow to become their best self, others become their worst. Either way, you have the rest of your life to screw up or turn your life around and succeed. Choose to become a person you can be proud of, and you will never regret it, no matter the circumstances that come your way. Always keep in mind that God loves you *in Bruno Mars's voice* "just the way you are."

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9

Love always,

Sierra

Relax.

So I have been wanting to start a blog and keep up with it for a long time now... But I had no extra time or energy for the past few months. I'm sorry to say it, but that's just how it was. I can't change it now, but I can change my "plan of action" for this blog. For instance, today I would like to talk about the present. 

I spend a lot of time wishing things could have gone differently. I wish I had hung out with my friends more this past year. I wish I had gone to every marching band practice in the fall. I wish I had stayed in AP biology, cause I truly enjoyed that class. I wish I hadn't missed a total of 35 days of school just this past semester... etc etc. All of these things I am disappointed with happened because I have migraines. And that is something I cannot change. Constantly wishing things had gone differently will change nothing. So why do I do it? Because I'm human. I can't be hyper rational like Bones (the TV character) is. Even a genius like herself has moments where she has irrational emotions. It's just part of being human. The fact that I have migraines is just a reminder that I am human. 

Everybody has their own reminders that make them feel incomplete or insufficient. Mine just happens to be a physical omnipotent one. But just because I feel physical pain as a reminder doesn't make mine any bigger than someone else's. We all have moments when we feel we have failed. Some moments last minutes, seconds, and some last days, months, years... And not one is more important than another. We all struggle with life. It's easy to forget that I'm not alone in the struggle of life. Not many people understand exactly what I am going through, but they are truly empathetic to the feelings it creates. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is no matter what your struggle is, you are not alone. If you are physically alone as in the only person in a room, you still are not completely alone. God is always there with you, just waiting there with his shoulder open for you. He is waiting for you to relinquish your self control to cry on his shoulder. Have you ever noticed how crying by yourself isn't quite as healing as crying with someone you love? The same thing happens when you cry with God. It's easy to forget this because we are so involved in our own lives that we don't stop to look up and see God there waiting for us. Try taking a moment right now. Just feel God's presence with you, and then completely relax your body, head to toe. Relax yourself into God's embrace.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Love always,

Sierra

Trying To Fix It

After the whole ordeal with the lumbar puncture, we found that the pressure of the fluid in my spinal column was slightly higher than average. The next step was then to treat me with medicines that lower the pressure. We didn't realize until months later that my headaches weren't because of the pressure in my spine. After 4 months of no improvement, I started to feel hopeless. My doctor could tell that I was straining to keep going through the pain every day, so she suggested that I see not only a counselor, but also a psychiatrist. I have tried many counselors since then, and I have finally found the perfect one. The psychiatrist is also wonderful. I thought that the first time I saw her she would just say oh you're depressed let's give you some medicine for it. But she didn't. She listened to my history and got a feel for who I am, and when I was finished, she understood me. I have had moments where I've been depressed, but then again who doesn't?! It's a natural thing. But I am not nor have ever been depressed. Which I am very thankful for. Depression ruins people... I've seen it happen to family and friends. While I am not depressed, I do have anxiety fairly often. Which I think is totally understandable for the situation I'm in. Anxiety can occur in anybody for any reason, and for some it's worse than others. I am glad we caught my anxiety early so I am now taking medicine that stabilizes my mood. I've noticed from school and other stressful activities that when my mood fluctuates, my pain fluctuates with it. It takes time to learn and understand how your body reacts to anything life throws at you. But again, just try to be patient. It will get better, it just might take 2 years or even longer. Something good will come from your suffering, even if you don't see how yet. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4 NIV)

Love always,

Sierra

Seemingly Lost Potential

So now it’s time to get back to my chronological storytelling of my past. Well after the lumbar puncture I started missing more and more school. It got to point where most mornings I would wake up and begged to stay home from school just because I felt like I was in too much pain to go to school. Luckily my parents were smarter and knew that I was tougher than I thought I was. They could see how strong I was even though I couldn’t see it in myself. I now have been through more than I ever thought was possible, with more to come, and I have still been successful in my endeavors. I am in currently in two AP classes and I am loving them. I started off this year in 3 AP classes but I soon realized that that was not realistic. I started off this year thinking that I would get better easily and quickly and be able to keep up in all three AP classes. I soon fell behind in all of them and I had to choose which ones to keep for second semester. I am a science nerd all the way so it killed me to have to drop AP biology, especially since I want to become a doctor. Soon, I’m going to have to do a whole lot of biology so I would’ve loved to have that base knowledge of biology before I head off to college. Although I had to take biology off the schedule, I still get to enjoy two AP classes and while I am behind in both of them, my teachers are amazing. I have proven to others and myself that while I might not get things done on time, I always get them done. My teachers can see that I truly do love learning, especially in subjects that I love, like calculus. Although English is not my favorite subject, it has been fascinating to understand Shakespearean literature and able to apply it to our lives today. 
My point of all of this jargon about my school schedule and my work ethic is to prove to the people out there who are struggling in some way that it is possible to be successful while being sick. It is definitely not easy. It has been and will be the hardest thing I do in my entire life. I expect more from myself then other people expect from me. I let myself down more than I let other people down, but I have learned where my limits are and how to spend my time wisely. I have five weeks left in high school, and I am going to graduate with more than just barely scraping by as passing. I am going to be proud of what I have accomplished despite all of the outside issues that have directed my life for the past two years. 
I don’t have cancer or another disease that is even more debilitating than mine, but I am still proof that just because your body is sick doesn’t mean all of you is sick. It seems like you have all this potential to unlock that you can’t get to, but you are just skimming the surface of what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it. Do not lose faith in God’s plan. 
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭4‬:‭16-17
Love always,
Sierra

Taking in the Good

I know that I've been describing what has happened to me over the past two years, but today I'm going to jump ahead to what happened a few weeks ago. Well actually I'll throw in a little history for you guys. 

After winter break junior year, my neurologist suggested that I see a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist person. I've seen quite a few by now, but I have finally found the perfect one for me. Before I even contemplated about seeing a therapist, I associated therapy with being crazy. I wouldn't go so far as to call myself crazy... ;) but I have proven that association wrong. My current counselor is awesome. Like really really awesome. We have the same kind of brain that is fascinated by understanding how things work. She has been teaching me how the human brain works. Brains are programmed to flight, not fight, avoid pain, and are naturally extremely biased towards negativity. The most fascinating thing about brains is that, just like any other muscle, you can build up strength in certain areas. What I need strength in is positivity. Another thing about the brain is that it has something called recall memory. When my headache spikes, my brain's recall memory immediately thinks that I am going to have a horrible headache that lasts three days. This is from experience, because for the past year, that has been the pattern for my headaches. But recent treatments I've had have changed my circumstances. Now, I still get pain spikes, but they only last about an hour, then the pain recedes back to the normal level. So I am working on training my brain to think positively; when my head spikes and I start feeling frustrated and sad, I remind myself that it won't last three days. I have been working on retraining my brain for a little over three months now, and my immediate response to a pain spike is still negative. But I catch myself more quickly and start thinking positively. You guys can do this too, but like I said, I've been working on this for a while and I'm still not perfect. So be patient, and just try your best. It has been proven that nuns, monks, etc, people who spend their days meditating or praying over good things have a positive recall memory. I don't know about you all, but I definitely do not have the patience or time to pray all day. So I'm settling for the little times I do practice positivity. I hope you can too. 

Recently I failed at using positivity. A situation came up that reminded me how I have not been committed to my church group. Then, I thought about why I haven't been committed, which is because I have a headache every day. I got angry and frustrated that the headaches are ruining my life. But when I fail at positivity, God sends someone to remind me. Today, God sent my boyfriend. I had told him how I was feeling, and we started talking about it. He told me to stay positive and be proud of what I did accomplish today, and that I will feel better tomorrow. If not physically, then mentally and emotionally because I completed a lot of homework I needed to do. At the time, I didn't believe him or accept it. Then I started writing to you, and I realized that he is right. I need to feel good about what I did, not bad. 

God sends us little reminders that he is there for us. Sometimes they come through strangers on the street, listening to the song that perfectly describes your situation, but most of the time, they come through the ones you love. When someone gives you help, try to accept it. If not at first, just take a step back and let it sink in. I am proof that their help can turn your whole day around, but you have to let your guard down for that to be possible. 

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17

Love always,

Sierra

The Next Phase

So the reason I decided to share my story is because I am a huge Taylor Swift fan. Perhaps I should explain more… For those of you who don’t know, taylor has a wonderful song titled “Ronan.” In it, she tells the story of Ronan, a boy who at three years old was diagnosed with cancer, and fought courageously. I have loved this song since the first time I heard it for multiple reasons, from the inspirational lyrics to the beautiful melody. The icing on the cake is that it is a perfect example of how Taylor uses her God-given gifts to do good in this crazy world. Taylor sends all the proceeds from Ronan’s song to the charity his mother founded in his name, The Ronan Thompson Foundation.
So now, back to its relevance to this blog. I watched an interview of Maya Thompson, Ronan’s mother, in which she said that writing her blog saved her while she was guiding Ronan through his treatments. As I will eventually share, I am in desperate need of a way to release my pent-up thoughts and feelings. So, I thought I would give blogging a try.
I left off my story when I went to the doctor after two weeks of a headache. Long story short, Dr. A did some tests and treated me to the best of her abilities. When she could not cure me, she referred me to a local neurologist, Dr. B, who told me I had stress headaches. She did not take me seriously, so I did not take her seriously. Needless to say, I only saw her once. This brought up a problem though… What comes next? Do I grin and bear it or look for another doctor? These were some of the questions running through my mind. I will ease your minds and tell you that eventually, I do find a good doctor. I will go into more details tomorrow ;P
As I said yesterday, God turns pain into joy. In a similar way, God turns bad into good. I never plan on going back to see Dr. B again, but I do plan on being a better doctor to my patients than she was to me. My current dream is to become a Pediatric Hematologist/Oncologist. In human words, I want to be a child blood cancer doctor. Although I do not have blood cancer, I have a deep connection with it. My Uncle D was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma just before I was born. After the initial diagnosis, he beat cancer twice. He did not beat it a third time. I only knew Uncle D when he was sick. He was diagnosed, fought, and went into remission twice. The third time Uncle D was diagnosed, he got a stem cell transplant. This went beautifully, and once again he started on the path towards remission. Along the way, he and his wife brought a beautiful baby boy into the world. That boy is a miracle. Doctors told Uncle D that it would be next to impossible for him and his wife to have a child because of the cancer treatments. Uncle D is my mom’s brother, and for years my mom felt that she was helpless in her brother’s fight for life. Then one day, she heard about the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s (LLS) organization, Team in Training (TNT). TNT trains people to run or walk half and full marathons. Like myself, my mom is not a runner. However, she’s found that she is a walker. Through TNT, my mom has walked four half marathons and raised over $16,000 for LLS. While there isn’t a cure for cancer yet and Uncle D lost his battle, my mom continues raising money for LLS in his name. This past year, she set a total fundraising goal, a sum of all her years of fundraising, at $16,000. This is a significant number because Uncle D battled cancer for 16 years.
Cancer treatments did not save Uncle D’s life, but they did save his heart. Uncle D is in heaven now, but he left his heart behind in his wife and son. He left us with the biggest piece of him, his son.
I love my family and I would do anything to have been able to save my uncle. Hopefully by becoming a Pediatric Hematologist/Oncologist I can help children beat cancer and save families from having to go through a loss like my family’s.
“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20:35
Love always,
Sierra
P.S. I will not use the real names of other people in this blog for their privacy.

The Beginning

I’ve never been one to share my life story with others. I never thought it could mean anything to anybody but myself.

While I am only seventeen, I have gone through more than some adults. I am also aware that although my life was, is, and will be hard, it could be a lot worse. I don’t live with a constant threat on my life from persecution, disease, drought, famine, etc. I have a wonderful family, a roof over my head, food every morning, noon, and night, someone to love, faith in God. Yet sometimes I don’t stop to cherish what I have and to see the big picture God has planned for me. It is hard to see how pain can ever become good.

Every day, I live with emotional, mental, and physical pain. Since July of 2013, I have lived every day in pain. That summer, my family and I went on a road trip across seventeen states. No doubt about it, that trip was full of fun with friends and family! Unfortunately, the trip did not end on a happy note for me. I started getting headaches the last week of the trip. At first, I assumed I was dehydrated, exhausted, or fighting a cold. After two weeks of nonstop headaches, I went to the doctor. Now, nearly two years later, I still have that headache. After hundreds of doctor appointments, every test possible, and asking God why he won’t take this burden off my shoulders, I am diagnosed with chronic migraines. More specifically, a chronic migraine. I have not had a pain free day since the beginning of that trip.

I am not telling you all my story for sympathy. Quite the opposite, in fact. I would like to give sympathy, empathy, to anybody living with pain. No matter how severe, pain is pain. Pain is tough. But pain is not given to us by God. Satan gives us pain, God turns the pain into joy. For example, I have not experienced the pains of pregnancy or childbirth, (nor do I plan to experience them until after marriage), but growing a human being inside of your body is going to cause you pain. But the nine months of pain is accompanied by joy, then followed by an eternal joy.

We aren’t meant to live easy lives, because then life would be meaningless. If only one person follows me and is reminded how amazing life is, this blog will be a success.

I will do my best to post daily to continue sharing my story to help someone else with their own story, and to help them wrote their happy ending. “With God, all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

Love always, Sierra