Hey there! I know it has been a while since I have posted, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm back now! Has anyone ever played the game "Never Have I Ever"? I'll give you a summation of it just in case you haven't: basically people say "Never have I ever..." and fill in with something they have never done, like for instance, I might say "Never have I ever owned a cat," because, well, I have never owned a cat. Simple, right? So I'm going to play that game with you guys right now.
Never have I ever been to a Taylor Swift concert.
Never have I ever cried at a Taylor Swift concert.
Never have I ever screamed my lungs out at a Taylor Swift concert.
Never have I ever sang my heart out at a Taylor Swift concert.
Never have I ever danced so much I got dizzy at a Taylor Swift concert.
Whoops! I played the game wrong, which was kind of silly of me since I just explained it to you... As of last night, I have done all of those things!!!!!!! :D Here's a correct "Never have I ever" statement:
Never have I ever been to a better concert than Taylor Swift's 1989 world tour.
I have been dreaming about going to a Taylor Swift concert since I first sat at the computer in my house and watched a video of her performing "Should've Said No." That moment was about eight years ago, and since then I have added to the dream. I met my boyfriend four years ago, when we were freshmen in high school, and the second I learned he loved Taylor Swift as much as I did, we were fast friends. Well, one thing led to another, and it became our dream to go to one of her concerts together, and last night we finally did it!!! We went to a Taylor Swift concert!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I've only heard good things about her concerts, so I had high expectations for the night, and those expectations were exceeded in every single way possible. Her music was on point, her outfits were Swifty, the dancers were flawless, and she left her heart on that stage, just like each of her fans danced, cheered, clapped, even dressed their hearts out just to listen to her sing her music, myself included. Those of you who know me fairly well see me as a quiet person, but those of you who truly know me know better than that. I am kind of a crazy person... as the people sitting near me last night found out the second Taylor hit that stage! I was screaming, dancing, singing, fist pumping, shaking my bootay, like crazy for practically the whole concert!!! Not only was the music and atmosphere overwhelmingly amazing, but Taylor made me cry. I never cry about anything besides pain, girly problems, grief, or drama with my headaches. I don't cry during chick flicks, and I haven't cried at a touching sermon since freshman year, but I cried when Taylor had a heart-to-heart with the crowd. She talked about perfection and how striving for it ends up being worse than pushing through imperfection. I have found this out for myself time and time again, but I still want perfection. I like everything to be perfect, from school projects to marching band performances, so it only makes sense that I want my life to be perfect too. For things like school and band, striving for perfection is encouraged and rewarded, but in life, striving for perfection beats you down until you start to wish you had never tried. Most people go to a concert to have fun and let off some steam, then can get back to their daily lives with the memory of the fun pushing them forward. I go to a concert to do the same, have fun, but I also go to enjoy something without holding back because of fear of the pain that will come afterwards. I definitely did not hold myself back last night, and today I am paying for it. My head hurts a lot and there is nothing I can do about it but distract myself until I recover. This is a part of my imperfect life that I have to live with. Luckily, Taylor didn't let me down, so I do not regret going at all. When you have pain every day, you get used to it and learn how it works, so you start delegating your time, energy, and pain (as much as you can control) as you see fit. Most of the time, I save my energy for the important things like school and familial obligations, but every once in a while I get to save my energy for something fun. The concert was my first fun thing I've saved for in a very long time. Luckily, I am surrounded by people who support me in my choices, even though me having some fun might make their lives a little harder. For example, today I have been unable to help with any household chores, so even though my sisters have homework to do, they had to do the work themselves. I appreciate these little things that they do more than they will ever know. I appreciate that my family is as understanding as possible with my condition and that they want me to still be able to have fun as well as do what is necessary. Every single person at the concert was given a bracelet to wear, and when the concert started, they lit up with the music, colored according to the mood of the song!!!! Taylor told us that she gave us these bracelets because she wanted to see us in the crowd as 50,000 individuals, not a black abyss with a few signs and lights. Okay side note: 50,000 people!!!! That is a LOT of people!! That's more people than the population of most Midwest towns! Getting back on track here now, Taylor talking about each of us being an individual really opened my eyes once again to the reality that I am not the only person in the world who is going through something difficult. The fact that it is so easy for me to feel alone in this struggle, even when people I love are right next to me makes me wonder how alone people feel when they don't have someone they love right next to them. Yes, everybody has a burden to bear, but not everybody has people that help them support the weight. Even though I am not with you, I want to be able to help you. If you need advice or just someone to listen, I'm here for you. I can't promise that I am going to be available for you 24/7, but I can say that I will do my best to support you in any way that I can. Somehow, Taylor Swift has helped me through my headaches without knowing who I am. Her music alone can take me from hating every single imperfection to seeing the beauty in the big picture. It numbs the pain, even momentarily, so that I have the strength to look to the ones I love that are there to support me. She may never read this, but I would just like to thank her for that. Her music means more to me than I could ever express.
"I don't think that imperfections make us tarnished or damaged, and I actually wrote a song about it. About how walking through rainstorms doesn't make you tarnished or damaged at all. The lessons that you take away from it make it the opposite. I think that going through a lot and coming out the other side of it, can make you, in fact, clean."
-Taylor Swift
Love always,
Sierra
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