Is this real life?

There's a little inside joke minor humor for you there with this title... Anyone remember the funny video roaming around the internet a few years back with the little boy who was loopy from getting his tooth pulled out and he asked, "Is this real life?" Even though I'm not loopy on laughing gas, I've found myself asking this question fairly often in this transition from high school to college life. This weekend, I had this thought multiple times, but in an amazing, uplifting sort of way. When I think about the past few years of my life, I can't remember a time when I was happy for more than about a week at a time. I've been at UC Davis for a month now, and I can honestly say that I have been happy for almost the whole time. Of course I'm not happy 24/7, that's unrealistic, but aside from a few bad days here and there, my heart has been filled with joy and satisfaction. I know why I'm so happy, too: I finally learned how to let go and let God. I honestly have no idea what in particular I've done differently for this past month, but I do know that whatever I'm doing, it's good. I've been able to step aside and let God lead my life for a change, and it has been wonderful.
I have this really bad habit of trying to do everything on my own, and on top of that, I'm extremely stubborn about it. For example, this weekend I went on a retreat with my college church group! We went to the Tahoe area and stayed in a church member's cabin! Well I guess technically it was a cabin, but "cabin" makes it sound small. This place was not small. We fit 60 college students in it for an entire weekend. Yes. 60. Anyways, on Saturday, we went for a hike. It was an optional hike, but the majority of the group ended up going. At first, I didn't think that I was going to go along, but I felt a little nudge from God to go. I gave in, and found myself on a beautiful hike. For some of us, the hike was a fairly easy few miles on a switchback trail up the mountain. For others, it was trekking through the woods, climbing up the rocks, and "parcore-ing" it up the mountain ("parcore" is jumping on rocks and doing crazy life-threatening stuff like that just for the heck of it). I was part of the group that went on the trail, of course, but that trail was not easy at all for me. It was actually the most difficult thing I've done since before I went to the hospital. As I was on the hike, I had multiple opportunities to turn around and only go part of the way, at which points I stopped and actually considered the possibility. This, I think, is the difference between the me now and the me a few months ago. Realistically, I knew I was not going to turn back early. I knew I was going to finish that hike no matter what. However, I used to just go with my gut and not listen to God's input. This got me in quite a few rough patches over time... Typically, after a huge adventure such as the hike, I come home and crash for a few days. Literally crash, like my headache spikes to a constant 9 out of 10, my body is weak and lightheaded, and I am completely exhausted for at least 2 days. This time feels different, though. I'm still exhausted, a little weak, and with a little worse headache than I had before, but it doesn't feel like a crash. I think this is because when I had the opportunity to turn back on the hike, I paused and asked God for his advice. God told me that if I continued, I would be sore, but it would be worth it. He also told me that if I turned back, I would enjoy the quiet time and meet some new people in Catalyst. (Sidenote: When I talk about God "telling me" something or "speaking to me," I don't mean that I hear a loud booming voice saying my name and speaking to me. It's hard to describe, but basically, when God speaks to me, I get a feeling. A thought pops into my head, and I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me what the thought means. God speaks to everyone in different ways, and often times it is really hard to interpret what He is saying to us. Don't worry if you haven't heard God's voice yet. You actually have heard his voice before, but you just haven't noticed it before, which is completely okay. I didn't learn how to understand God's words until very recently, so don't panic! It will come in time.) Now, back to my story! So, given these choices, I decided to be stubborn and push through the pain, exhaustion, and dizziness for the sense of accomplishment I would feel at the end. I also stuck with the hike because I absolutely LOVE being in nature. It is my favorite visual reminder of God's artistry!
I guess my point of all this is that because I followed God's lead this weekend, He rewarded me by helping me recover more easily from the adventure. God works in mysterious ways like this. He gives us free will, for reasons I will never understand, but He still has a plan for us. He still knows our desires and values them, so He respects them, and gives you opportunities to expand your horizons and deepen your relationship with Him. Along with less pain, He also rewarded me with an AMAZING weekend. There is so much I want to share with you all, but if I were to share all of it I would be typing for days... So I'll share my favorite moments. For those of you who have been on a church retreat before, you know how aware you are of God's presence the entire time. For those of you who haven't, I'll happily explain it to you. Imagine a room filled with people that you have gotten to know and love, discovering some of their quirks, strengths, weaknesses, and laughing with them along the way. Now imagine every single one of them singing their hearts out praising God. When this happens, the Holy Spirit emanates from each person's soul and fills the spaces of the entire room. It felt to me like we were standing in a sea of love- God's love, my love, their love, our love. In those moments, all I can do is smile, lift my hands, and praise God. I could have worshiped with those people all day and been completely content.
I'd like to end today's post with a blessing that we ended our retreat with: Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him, all creatures here below. Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
Love always,
Sierra