Not Your Usual Update

It has come to my attention that I have not updated everyone on who I am and who is in my life at college. Also, it has been way too long since I've posted on here anyways, so here goes! As most of you know, I'm studying at UC Davis for at least the next four years of my life. Isn't that crazy? I'm in college. I'm living on my own, looking for a job, studying, and planning my own life. Since I was a little girl, I've wanted to be an adult and be in charge of my own life, and now that it is here and happening, I can't believe it. I keep waiting to wake up from my dream and still be at home in high school with the same friends, same situations, and same responsibilities. Every time I go home, I forget just how real Davis is. Davis is my life now, and home (Modesto) is my vacation from my life. That is a HUGE transition, especially when I've never even transitioned into a new house before. I've lived in the same town, same neighborhood, same house, even the same bedroom, for the my entire life. Now, all of a sudden, everything has changed. (Anybody else get the Taylor Swift song popped up in your head from me saying "everything has changed"?) This is the first major change to happen in my life that I am happy about. When I think of the things that have changed my life in the past, what comes to mind is: the newfound "freedom" of high school, losing old friends and gaining better ones, Freshman year to graduating, and then I think of my aunt's unexpected death, my uncle's passing, my headaches, doctors, hospital trips, and then that becomes all I can think of. The bad overshadows the good. I don't want that to happen with Davis. I want Davis to be the place where the good shines through the bad, or even better, there is good without bad. So, I've been avoiding some truths in my life. I've been keeping my sad feelings quiet and suppressed, thinking that they would go away on their own. (Which is completely silly, because I know that suppressing feelings only makes them worse, so you'd think I'd know better.) First of all, you need to be informed of what is in my life and who is in my life. I have an AMAZING group of friends here. I am not dating anybody, but I have met more incredible, godly men and women than I ever knew there were in this world. I always thought I was weird for my strong foundation of faith and how I try to live it through every aspect of my life, but every single person in my new church group is striving to let God live through their lives as well. Of course, none of us is perfect, but the important part is that we're trying. This is the first time in my life that my very best friends, that I get to see every single day, are also a part of my church group. The best thing about this is that when I need someone to talk to, I can go to any one of them, and they will be there for me as well as remind me that God is here with me too. Sometimes, when life gets crazy, I'm too focused on what is happening right in front of me. I forget to let go and let God. My ego gets the best of me, and I try to do it on my own. My counselor has an acronym for "EGO" that I can really identify with: Edge God Out. When our ego gets bigger, God's voice gets smaller, and you start to edge God out of your life. This happens to me way way way too often. I try to juggle everything in my life as is, all on my own, without asking God what He wants me to do or what I am even able to do. When organization, preparedness, and patience are the most important things you can do to manage your life as they are for me, the more I listen to my ego, the less organized, prepared, and patient I am with life. Not only do we (me and others like me) lose patience with life, but we lose patience with God, and then start blaming Him for our own mistakes. Even though my time here at Davis has been wonderful, I have had too big of an ego for most of it. I've been trying to put up a front that I am always happy, bubbly, energetic, patient, and kind. Deep down, I knew that this isn't possible for anyone, let alone me, yet I continued to pretend. When my close friends asked me how my day was going, it was almost always "good, how about you?" no matter what my day was actually like. Because I have a constant reminder that life isn't perfect, it is easy for me to think about myself that I am always sad or unhappy because I am always in pain, but just as I am not always happy, I am not always sad either. In fact, the majority of my time at college has been spent in bliss. Yes, I have lots of homework. Yes, I have to study for multiple hours every single day. Yes, I still end up procrastinating way too much on Netflix. Yes, I am still constantly in pain. When I have a bad headache, I find myself repeating these negative statements over and over in my head, but these are just half of the truth. I actually enjoy doing my homework. I love learning more about my subjects and expanding my skills. I like studying because I am studying MY topics: math, science, and currently, psychology. I am still constantly in pain, but I am in less pain than I was in before. When the intense pain subsides, the full truths come out and I feel better about myself. This can be applied to everybody's life. When you find yourself feeling sad or depressed, take a note of the negative thoughts that are swirling around in your mind, and later when you are out of your slump, return to those thoughts. I can promise you that most every single one of them will only be half of the truth. That's what Satan uses to trick us. He tells us things that we know are true, but he only tells us half of the truth so that it seems worse than it really is. (Don't worry, I'm not saying your negative thoughts are Satan in your head. They're just what Satan wants for you, and because we are human, we have these bad thoughts all on our own.) But, because we also have God, if you give Him the chance, the full truths will start revealing themselves to you. You will see God's hand working in your life. You will see Him in the little moments of happiness you get from the sun shining and in the relationships that build up your confidence and sense of belonging. This is because God is in every single aspect of your life, and He is just waiting for you to notice Him. God is with every single one of us, whether we believe in Him or not. The difference between believers and non believers is that Christians have God in their heart, not just in their lives. That is the ideal life on earth, one lived hand in hand with God.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."
James 1:2-5
Love always,
Sierra
P.S. ^^I think I've found my new favorite verses.^^

Surrealism

I'm having yet another surreal moment right now. I'm sitting in Starbucks on campus listening to music and organizing my schedule, when I realize that I am the college student. I am here, living on my own, going to college at my dream school, and I can't help but feel blessed despite the hardships. There was a time that I doubted that I would be able to go to college, let alone move away from home, yet here I am! Ooh that just reminded me of a song from one of my favorite movies!! Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron. I love that movie because it is all about horses and their personalities and warm hearts for humans, but also because of the music. The music just happens to be co-written by Bryan Adams and Hans Zimmer, so you know, no big deal... just a fairly successful 80's rockstar and the composer of movies such as the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. Of course, when I was little I had no idea who these people were, I just liked the music, but it's cool to make that connection now. Anyways... The song "Here I Am" in Spirit has lyrics of: "Here I am, this is me. There's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be. It's a new world, it's a new start, it's a life with the beating of a young heart, it's a new place, it's a new land, and it's waiting for me. Here I am. Here we are, we've just begun and after all this time my time has come. Here we are, still going strong. Right here in the place where we belong." I love it when normal songs like this make me think of God. This song was written to be about a horse becoming the leader of a herd, and the responsibilities that come with being the leader, yet 18 year old me hears God's voice in it. It's always exciting to see the different ways God speaks to us, whether it's a song that's stuck in your head or a person or situation in your life. Once you start looking, you see God everywhere. You see him in both the beauty and pain, which is a double edged sword.
It's hard to think about God in relation to pain. Me with my math brain, I think of it like an equation relating God and pain, like they are opposites to one another: God/pain (God divided by pain). I've come up with a new relationship now, though: God=Pain. I don't mean God is the same thing as pain, I mean God is proportional to pain. If you have more pain in your life, God reaches out even further to you. He does not do this because the ones with pain are His favorites, but because He gives everybody equal opportunity to follow Him. He understands that those of us with pain have less to give, and He's okay with that. Many of us, including myself, investigate this and wonder, if God can support us when we have more pain, why does He not also take some of our pain away? I don't have a definitive answer for this one, guys. It's an age-old question that I don't think will ever be answered on Earth, however I can share with you my opinion of the matter. If we lived in a perfect world, everybody would be praising God of their own free will, but a perfect world does not and will never exist. The only time that there ever has existed a perfect world was with the Garden of Eden, but that world was corrupted by the same thing that corrupts our world: sin. I see sin and Satan as synonymous because Satan encourages sin, just as I see God and love as synonymous because God encourages love. I believe that God has a plan for each and every one of our lives, and we may choose to follow it or not, but either way, His plan will be corrupted by sin. Fortunately, God accounts for this and makes it possible for us to survive and thrive. Satan makes life difficult, but God makes life possible. Because we have free will, God's plan does not always shine through every single person's life, and because we are human, most of the time we will not see God's plan. We might only see the suffering left in its wake, and when that is the case, it is time for us to take comfort in God's embrace. You could try to understand every aspect of the plan, but then you would waste your whole life looking for something that, simply by having faith, in the end you will find: Heaven.
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."
James 3:17
Love always,
Sierra

God is Great, Dorms Are Good, and People Are Crazy

Anyone get the reference? The title of this blog is inspired by a country song, the lyrics of which are "God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy." For some reason, this song has been playing over and over in my head today. Don't worry, the main parts I agree with are that God is great and people are crazy ;P
For most of my life, I've been told that college tends to be the best years of your life, so I've been expecting amazingness for 18 years now. Surprisingly, my expectations are being succeeded! I can already feel myself growing in ways I never could even begin to imagine, and it is all thanks to God. God hand picked each and every person that is in my life. That's crazy to think about, isn't it? And it's true for every single person on earth! God has created the most intricate, beautiful, perfect puzzle ever! Unfortunately, a bad dog has come and chewed up some of the puzzle pieces. This is an example of my personal belief that God does not give us something unless good will come from it. One thing I forgot to mention in my last post is that sometimes, there are situations that are just plain terrible, and nothing good will come from them. I believe that God doesn't create those situations, only Satan does. Satan is the bad dog that tries to ruin the puzzle just because the pieces taste good. Since God gives us free will, He cannot just replace the disfigured pieces. Instead, He offers to reshape the pieces and make the puzzle whole once again. This brings us to the end of my puzzle analogy since puzzle pieces don't have choices of their own, but we do. We have the choice to follow God. That is my favorite part about Christianity, that it is a choice. On Earth, people can be forced into "faith," but they don't have true faith, and God can see that. God can also see those who don't have what we humans consider as "faith." The human meaning of faith is not the true meaning of faith. Someone might not practice religion or even express their opinions on it during their lifetime, but in their hearts, they accepted God. I believe that God sees these people's hearts and offers heaven to them. This is why God is great. Because He does not SEE you, He KNOWS you.

In the dorms, when you are living with people you barely know, you actually get to know them fairly quickly. For the most part, you can figure out who's who and who you might want to be a part of your life. These first impressions are from what we see, and while I consider myself a good judge of character, (sorry for the moment of cockiness) I have been wrong about people more times than I care to admit. God is never wrong, though. He doesn't make mistakes. I can't even fathom that perfection! People are so imperfect that even our idea of perfection isn't perfect! (Wow that's a confusing sentence.) Get ready for more confusion! While people are imperfect, we are also perfect, because we are God's creation, and He never makes mistakes. Now to the point of the confusing perfection talk: accept that you're perfect just the way you are, and you will be accepting faith in God. It's that simple. You don't need to understand what you believe in. Heck, I have no clue what exactly I believe in! There are so many parts about faith that I doubt, but I choose to put those doubts aside and take it in faith. Faith is believing in something in spite of every fact pointing the opposite direction, every person being against you, and you not believing in yourself. Set all these things aside, accept that you're perfect, and accept God. I can promise you that you will never regret it. 

"For we live by faith, not by sight... For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each of us might receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."

2 Corinthians 5:7,10

Love always,

Sierra

A God-Filled Life

So you know how you have those moments where all of a sudden, you're completely aware of God's presence? You feel him in the people next to you, in the music, and He even fills in the nooks and crannies! In that moment, you hear God's voice in your head telling you, "This is where you are meant to be. This moment. These people. These experiences. You are my perfect child, following my perfect plan." Your heart beams with happiness and love, and you breathe in the Holy Spirit. Since I have arrived at UC Davis, God has blessed me with these moments of awakening every single day, and that is how I know that I am where I am meant to be. The exhaustion, pain, stress, and worry are all worth it, because for the first time in years, happiness is overflowing in my life. I'm not saying that I have been unhappy for the past three years, but I did not see my life as the blessing it truly is. When pain is a daily part of your life, it takes a lot of effort to look past it and see the good things. I have found that when I am busy doing things I choose to do, I am happy, whether I am choosing to do church, school, hang outs with friends, etc. If I am choosing to spend my energy on it, I am determined to enjoy it. Part of the struggle of high school was that it was forced on me. I had no choice but to spend six hours of my day at school (on the days I could make it to school at least). Since I am stubborn and always find little ways to do everything my own way, I "rebelled" against the forced six hours of school by choosing to do AP classes. Looking back, I see that my main motivation for AP classes was God. He told me to push myself because He knew I could succeed, and now I have. Okay so I'm about to say something really cheesy that I hated hearing, but now I see that it is true. Ready? Here goes: there is a point to your suffering. Good will come of it. It SUCKS to suffer, but you truly will become a better person because of it. I feel like I can tell you this now because I'm not done with my suffering, so I'm in the same boat you are. The only difference is that I have arrived at the point in my life where I am starting to see the good things that can and will come from my headaches. College really does change you. For the first time ever, I am in charge of my own life, and there are lots of things that I could do with that. I expected myself to take charge the second I got the chance, but I felt myself holding back. I was in a holding pattern until I found my new community. Coming to Davis, I knew I wanted to start off early with a church group. I planned on trying a different youth group every night of the first week, but then all of a sudden it was Friday and I hadn't been to one. So, I told myself that I was going to go to church on Sunday, whatever church I could get to. The thing was that I needed a ride to church, so I literally typed "UC Davis rides to church" into Google, and once I vetted the website, emailed them for a ride. It worked out perfectly, and I knew the second I sat in the car that I was where I was meant to be. I saw God in the people, felt the Holy Spirit in the church, and felt the love and open arms of the congregation. Every single time I have been with the people of the youth group, I have felt God with us. I have felt God more in the past three weeks alone than I have in the past three months. This is why I can give you cheesy advice, because God has proven it to be true. God has proven to me that my pain will continue bringing good into my life. I can tell you firsthand that God will prove it to you as well. Your pain will bring good. The pain will still be pain, and it will still suck, but God will also still be with you every step of the way. All He needs you to do is accept His help. Literally, he is just waiting for you to accept him. That is ALL you need to do. He will do the rest. And I can promise you that it will be worth it.
"If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."
Romans 10:9
Love always,
Sierra