I decided to make this post a little different than my others. Instead of bible verses, I will be using Disney quotes. Wisdom and inspiration can come from the most random things in life, and for me, Disney is a bright example of that.
"The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it." -Rafiki
Yesterday, I saw my counselor (we'll call her Si) for the first time since the hospital. That woman and I are like the same person in different bodies. She is a nerd, talks a lot, and is passionate about her work... Sound like anyone we know? Well, a few months ago, Si found a good way of categorizing the emotional side effects of having chronic migraines. My migraine causes me grief. Not grief like troubles, but grief like the feeling you have when a loved one dies. My old self died when my migraine started. Typically, there are stages of grief, and healthy grieving is moving slowly but steadily onward through these stages. I will use Elizabeth Ross's "stages" of grief:
1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. depression
5. acceptance
When dealing with a loss of a person, a job, a pet, etc., healthy grieving is going through the stages one by one, only moving forward. With my grief, I have gone through each stage multiple times, which would be considered unhealthy if I was grieving like most people. Grief typically describes the feeling that you get as a result of one singular event. If you look at the past two years and next few years to come as a singular event, then I should go through the stages of grief when my daily migraine ends. This seems logical, right?... Well it also brings up the question of how I should be feeling in the five years the broadly singular event is occurring. I've decided that nothing about my situation can be considered normal. I cannot live like a normal person. I cannot be a normal person, so why do I feel the need to grieve like a normal person? Probably because it is just human nature, but that still doesn't help me know how to grieve in a healthy way. I guess I should say why I need to grieve healthily, huh? Well the way I see it is every day I have a giant unhealthy problem in my life, so being unhealthy in any other area of my life would just make life all the more difficult. You may also be wondering why I am sharing this with all of you, how this could relate to your life. All too often, people try to put themselves in the same category as others because nobody likes to be alone, particularly in tough situations. Even though you may not have migraines, physical pain, or pain every day, you do not have to grieve like everybody else. However, if you have suffered a singular loss, do try to stay in the norm, for your own sake.
"I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now." -Edna Mode
Just like Rafiki, Edna understands the importance of living in the present. Sometimes, I do not want to live in the present, because in the present moment, I am in a lot of pain. I try to distract myself, usually by watching tv, talking with friends and family, or listening to music. These distractions help me continue living in the present. When I am not easily distracted because of the higher level of pain, I tend to live in the past. I think of where I could be if I hadn't gotten migraines and start wishing my life was different. Wishing your life was different does not actually change anything... In fact, it makes the present moment worse. When this happens, and I head even further down the downwards spiral, I move to the depression stage. I am constantly moving between the stages of grief, and living in the past pushes me in a negative direction. For me, healthy grieving is steadily moving through the stages, but I do not always have to move from 1 to 5 to be in a healthy place. Any of you dealing with daily pain of some sort are in the same boat as me. Don't feel the need to be like everybody else and make it to the acceptance stage as quickly as possible. For those of you with lifelong issues like migraines, the acceptance stage is neverending. You will never fully move past your pain, because it is part of your daily life, whether you actually feel the pain daily or not. Having a lifelong problem is scary. There will be times when you think you cannot make it any further in your journey. That, you are just going to have to accept. You will not always be happy, but then again, nobody is happy 100% of the time. Honestly, you might never be happy even 50% of the time, but it does not matter how often or how long you are happy. Only the quality of your happiness is important.
"Remember you're the one who can fill the world with sunshine." -Snow White
I have faith in you. You are strong enough to make it through your life just the way it is. This is a fact. God does not give you things you cannot handle, but you must choose to fight. You are strong enough, but I could never convince you of that. You have to convince yourself that you are strong enough to make it through every single moment of your life. Never forget that you are never alone.
"Promise me you'll always remember you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." -Winnie the Pooh
Love always,
Sierra
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