As the time between me and the treatment decreases, the more panicked I expect myself to be. I expected myself to be worrying about the side effects, nervous, forgetting things, restless... but I am calm. Somehow, I am at peace with the coming treatment. Today at church, I had a wonderful moment with God. The moment I saw the lyrics on the screen and heard the familiar chords to "Our God Saves" by Paul Baloche, I felt God's hands on my shoulders. "Lord, we come. We're gathered together to lift up Your name. To call on our Savior, to fall on Your grace." Worship is a time to do just that. You and your church family comes together and opens their arms for God's presence.
Feeling God's presence is the most wonderful, powerful feeling in the world. When I think of the power of God's presence, I think of one moment in particular in which I felt God's embrace so strongly that I started crying tears of joy. The summer between my 8th and 9th grade years, I went on a five day trip to a youth conference, "CHIC," with my youth group. It was one of the best weeks of my life. We flew out to Tennessee and I shared a room with my best friend. We heard from lots of amazing speakers and learned a lot about God, ourselves, and faith in the rest of the world. One of the nights, Chris Tomlin was the headlining music performer. This conference was at a Texas university, and about 40,000 people were there in the stadium, every single one of them singing their heart out praising God. On this same night, the speaker gave an opportunity for everybody to ask God into their heart. That night was my favorite night. After the speaker prayed with those who wanted to accept God into their heart, she asked those people to stand so we all could celebrate and congratulate them. This time, when asked to stand, over half of the stadium stood, showing their newfound faith in Jesus Christ. I have heard a lot of these benediction prayers, and every time I pray along, asking God to bless these people and help keep them on His path to righteousness. After this moment, Chris Tomlin came back on stage to sing a song, the perfect song for that night. He sang "White Flag." For those of you who have not heard this song, you need to. That song continues to change my life today. It alludes to battle, when one side surrenders and raises a white flag. Life is a battle. I forget that life is not supposed to be easy. It is supposed to suck at times, because it reminds us that we do not belong here on Earth forever. That night, I raised my white flag to Christ. They also handed out handkerchief-sized white flags to every person who wanted one, and as we sang the song, I saw thousands of white flags raised to Christ Jesus. I tear up just thinking about the power I felt in that moment. Not only was I raising my white flag to surrender to God, but I was surrendering with my friends, people I love, and thousands of other strangers. It continues to remind me that I am not alone even here on Earth, that I am surrendering with my comrades of life.
Today during worship, I surrendered my battle to God. I surrender. I am done fighting myself tooth and nail to push through the pain and keep living my life. I am ready for this week to wipe my slate clean. The first time I was in the hospital, I did not want to share it with anybody besides close friends and family. I was embarrassed. Now, I am confessing it not only to God, but to the world, that I cannot do this alone. Every treatment, every hand that cares for me, is touched by God. Not only does God bless it, but each and every person who prays for me blesses my treatment. I am INCREDIBLY blessed. It feels strange saying this on the eve of a weeklong hospital stay, but it is true. I am blessed. You are blessed. I have learned that blessings only make a difference if you accept them. Do not wait as long as I did before you accept others' blessings on you. Prayer is a powerful and necessary part of your lives, whether you realize it or not. Somewhere, someone is praying for you. You may not even know the person, but you are still blessed by their prayers. I pray for each and every one of you, that you will accept God's blessing.
"Give generously to them and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to."
Deuteronomy 15:10
Love always,
Sierra
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