The Past Five Months

I had to do that title for this post because it reminds me of the movie The Last Five Years, and although it has nothing in common with my life, I could not resist alluding to it. Anna Kendrick is amazing. Jeremy Jordan is amazing. Both of them together in a Broadway show makes genius! I wish I could have sung songs that I made up on the spot about the past, because that would be freaking awesome!! Unfortunately, I can't sing and I am not creative in that way, hence this blog. Every time I hear a song that I love, I have the urge to sing to it... Since I am not a good singer I don't have the confidence to sing, and usually the urge to sing arrives when I am in public and it would be weird to start singing...
How does this relate to my headaches you may ask? I have been very impatient these last five months. All I wanted was for school to be over, for the pain to end... I gripe and whine way too much. Like "the boy who cried wolf," my excessive griping puts everything in my life at the same level of importance, not to God, but to myself. I am not a whiner in an outward way, but I whine all the time inside my head. I forget that I am not the only one who knows what I am thinking... that God hears my every word, every thought, sees every action or inaction... and He judges your character based on all of it. I don't mean judges in the worldly way, like judging people for their outward appearance, but in a faithful way. God is not trivial when it comes to our faith, so He will not hold your mistakes against you. I use this as an excuse to do things I shouldn't, like complain about being too lazy to get up and get myself my own cup of water from the kitchen. I whine about walking twenty feet to get ice and fresh clean water. Many places in the world, they walk over a mile to get water, and their water isn't even clean. I whine about my headaches in a similar way.
I know people personally who went through many more trials than I have ever been to and rarely complained. My uncle was one of those people... He had cancer three times and I never saw him without a smile on his face, even if he was confined to a hospital bed. I do not have his strength, but if I am stuck with migraines every day for the rest of my life, I will need his strength. I will need His strength. God's strength is the strongest thing in the universe. Yes I know that is redundant: "His strength is strong." But there is no other way to explain it... Every single aspect of God is strong. His love, His support, His mercy, His power, His embrace, His healing hand, His guidance... etc. Even though at times I lose my strength, God is there to back me up. This did not happen by accident... I asked God for help. I don't always remember in the tough moments to pray, but I have God in my heart, so even when I don't ask him to be there, He is there for me anyways. God is the perfect friend. The strongest friend you will ever find. Just like with our human friends, a friendship must give and take from both sides. If you continue with your faith in God, He will continue supporting you. Even if you walk away, God waits patiently for you to return to Him.
When you are going through a rough patch in life, it is easy to forget the things you do have. The past five months, I did not take enough time to give thanks. I was often reminded by friends or family how blessed I am, but when I am in a lot of pain it is hard for me to thank God. While Thanksgiving only comes once a year, thanksgiving should happen every day. I have a large wonderful family, amazing friends, food every day, a roof over my head, God's love, support from my church, prayers from people I don't even know... Take time to thank God for what you have, not for what you don't, and He will appreciate it. The typical point of view on God's actions is that once you repent/give thanks/ask for help, God takes away your burdens. Well, this is blackmail, and God does not blackmail... God gives you your burdens for the perfect amount of time. We are his masterpiece. Like sculpting, you start with a large, ugly, heavy block of stone. God shapes us with lots of time and work chipping away our worldly selves, leaving us with our holy selves. When a sculpture is done, it is put on display, to be appreciated by all. God displays us in heaven, but only if we let Him shape us. A sculpture cannot carve itself, and we cannot become holy alone. Life is rough, but Heaven is worth it. God is worth it. Never forget that.
"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."
Love always,
Sierra