Complications

So the summer between my junior and senior year was... Well, an interesting one. I got to do a lot of fun things, but I was also stuck doing nothing some days because of the pain. I half expected my headaches to get better when school got out, and they did get better, just not nearly enough. Around September/October time, our neurologist, Dr. C, referred me to the UCSF headache clinic. The first appointment took over two hours because I had to share my whole medical history with her. After listening, she, Dr. G, said right out that I have migraines. Even though migraines are not fun and last your whole life, I was still happy to have an official diagnosis. 

Just like Dr. C, Dr. G had a detailed plan of action. We started off with some new medicines and after the appropriate waiting time for the meds to work, and I was not better, we moved on to the next phase. This one includes more needles, so fair warning to those of you who don't like needles. The next phase was a shot. I'll admit that usually needles don't bother me. When I get my blood drawn, it barely hurts and I always watch. But this shot was a completely different experience. This time I got a shot in the back of my head. Where the right side of the back of my head meets my neck is where I got the shot. I did not get a numbing agent first, just the shot. Dr. G told me it would only take 10 seconds, which I figured would be okay. So I sat down in a chair facing my parents, holding their hands, and braced myself, thinking "it's only 10 seconds, you got this." That was the longest 10 seconds of my life. I remember that earlier I said the headache from the lumbar puncture was the worst pain I have ever experienced, but I take it back. This shot was much, much worse. I squeezed my parents' hands as hard as I could. Apparently, my eyelids started fluttering towards the end, and I almost passed out. I didn't cry though! Not til after at least... 

It's crazy how much 10 seconds of your life can affect you. This shot didn't help my pain, but it did show me just how strong I am. But the thing is, you never know how strong you really are until you have to prove it. Being strong really really sucks. I will never forget the things I experienced in those 10 seconds. We Bought a Zoo has a wonderful quote about being strong, "all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come of it." Now this is not a universal thing, as Gus from Psych (the TV show) learned. Gus had a crush on this girl at work, and he said ok all I need is 20 seconds of courage. He walked up to her, said really sweet things for 20 seconds, and she pepper sprayed him... Well I guess what he said was kinda creepy but that's not the point. 20 seconds of courage will not fix things immediately. Something great WILL come of it, but you're going to need more courage and even more perseverance. But the more often you practice those traits, the stronger you will become, and God will be by your side every step of the way. 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." 

Joshua 1:9