I know that I've been describing what has happened to me over the past two years, but today I'm going to jump ahead to what happened a few weeks ago. Well actually I'll throw in a little history for you guys.
After winter break junior year, my neurologist suggested that I see a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist person. I've seen quite a few by now, but I have finally found the perfect one for me. Before I even contemplated about seeing a therapist, I associated therapy with being crazy. I wouldn't go so far as to call myself crazy... ;) but I have proven that association wrong. My current counselor is awesome. Like really really awesome. We have the same kind of brain that is fascinated by understanding how things work. She has been teaching me how the human brain works. Brains are programmed to flight, not fight, avoid pain, and are naturally extremely biased towards negativity. The most fascinating thing about brains is that, just like any other muscle, you can build up strength in certain areas. What I need strength in is positivity. Another thing about the brain is that it has something called recall memory. When my headache spikes, my brain's recall memory immediately thinks that I am going to have a horrible headache that lasts three days. This is from experience, because for the past year, that has been the pattern for my headaches. But recent treatments I've had have changed my circumstances. Now, I still get pain spikes, but they only last about an hour, then the pain recedes back to the normal level. So I am working on training my brain to think positively; when my head spikes and I start feeling frustrated and sad, I remind myself that it won't last three days. I have been working on retraining my brain for a little over three months now, and my immediate response to a pain spike is still negative. But I catch myself more quickly and start thinking positively. You guys can do this too, but like I said, I've been working on this for a while and I'm still not perfect. So be patient, and just try your best. It has been proven that nuns, monks, etc, people who spend their days meditating or praying over good things have a positive recall memory. I don't know about you all, but I definitely do not have the patience or time to pray all day. So I'm settling for the little times I do practice positivity. I hope you can too.
Recently I failed at using positivity. A situation came up that reminded me how I have not been committed to my church group. Then, I thought about why I haven't been committed, which is because I have a headache every day. I got angry and frustrated that the headaches are ruining my life. But when I fail at positivity, God sends someone to remind me. Today, God sent my boyfriend. I had told him how I was feeling, and we started talking about it. He told me to stay positive and be proud of what I did accomplish today, and that I will feel better tomorrow. If not physically, then mentally and emotionally because I completed a lot of homework I needed to do. At the time, I didn't believe him or accept it. Then I started writing to you, and I realized that he is right. I need to feel good about what I did, not bad.
God sends us little reminders that he is there for us. Sometimes they come through strangers on the street, listening to the song that perfectly describes your situation, but most of the time, they come through the ones you love. When someone gives you help, try to accept it. If not at first, just take a step back and let it sink in. I am proof that their help can turn your whole day around, but you have to let your guard down for that to be possible.
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17
Love always,
Sierra
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